Mom Worked: Patterns of Parenting and Attachment by Children

Advances in Social Science, Education and Humanities Research (ASSEHR), volume 244 1st International Conference on Early Childhood and Primary Education (ECPE 2018) Mom Worked: Patterns of Parenting and Attachment by Children Sandy Tegariyani Putri Santoso Via Fahrinnia Early Childhood Department Early Childhood Department Universitas Negeri Malang Universitas Negeri Malang Malang, Indonesia Malang, Indonesia [email protected] [email protected] Abstract— The need for self-actualization and increasing Parenting is the process of guiding and caring for economic needs make women more and more involved to work children both physically and psychologically. The care outside the home. What if this happens if the woman had process is characterized by the interaction between parents become a mother. It had an effect on the domestic sphere of a and children. The parenting pattern given by parents to mother, especially in terms of child care. Mothers who work children will determine how the attachment relationship will involve third parties in caring for their children. It will between them. had an impact on the pattern of care provided and how the attachment relationship between mother and child. The place where children are raised also affects children's development by determining the type of relationship between Keywords— working mother, parenting styles, child children and various family members. If the mother works attachment outside the home and the child is cared for by relatives, or in a day care center the child's relationship with his mother will I. INTRODUCTION be very different from the relationship between child and mother in the family with the mother who devotes all her The family is the smallest community unit. Each family time and attention to the household especially during early member interacts to achieve life goals and they have their childhood respective roles and tasks. In the conventional view, a father acts as the head of the family who provides security and Caring must be suited to the child's age level. Parenting is fulfils all the needs of the family, while the mother acts as a currently still dominated by mothers, the involvement of manager in the family who manages all the needs in the fathers in the care process is still very minimal. The care family and nurtures her children. which is given to children gives a great influence on the child's development in the future. The problem of working mothers is still being debated until now. The assumption of a conventional society assumes Each stage of a child's age requires different parenting that the ideal family is a father who works in the public characteristics. Parenting in the early childhood will be sector and mothers who work in the domestic sector with a different from parenting during the middle and late variety of homework. Modern life has an impact on childhood [2]. The parenting pattern applied will determine increasing the needs of life and the increasing need for self- the attitude of parents to children. The basic attitude of the actualization. Both of these are the main reasons for a mother mother to the child will influence the relationship between to work outside the home. them. The research conducted by Siregar shows the percentage The relationship between child and mother is very of mothers who work at the age of 35 to 39 years as much as important and influences the development of emotional 12%, at the age of 40 to 44 years by 72%, and at the age of attachment between the two. Emotional attachment between 45 to 49 years by 12% [1]. Looking at the data, mothers who the child and mother provides benefits to the child and also work are in productive age assuming they have children who the mother. Children get a sense of security, protection and still need caring and nursing. While the standard working comfort from the mother, on the other hand the mother will hours in Indonesia are 8 hours a day have the opportunity to develop a healthy child's personality and be able to adapt to the social environment. Mothers who work in the public sector or company working hours has been determined, so that it has a limited The amount of time spent by a mother to work outside time with their children. Working mothers' routines that the home requires mothers to look for alternative caregivers leave early in the morning and go home late afternoon have to care for their children. Some parenting alternatives an impact on the patterns of interaction and nurturing given commonly used by parents are leaving the child with a to children. The other side effects are that mothers need caregiver at home, leaving the child with the closest family at replacement caregivers as long as they work outside. home, or using day care services. The condition of mothers who work, they must combine Caregivers act as substitute parents provide more the role of workers or employees with the care role. Limited stimulation and interacting with children Supportive interaction time with children will have an impact on caregiving environments were directly predictive of peer parenting and attachment between mother and child. Mothers relationship satisfaction, social emotional competence, and will also involve other parties to provide care for their school readiness. From their facts we know that parenting children. not only given by the primary parent but also secondary care Copyright © 2018, the Authors. Published by Atlantis Press. 189 This is an open access article under the CC BY-NC license (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/4.0/).  Advances in Social Science, Education and Humanities Research (ASSEHR), volume 244 givers. From that statement we can say that who cares the 3) The attachment between mother and child. children will influence how their behavior shaped. Quantity meeting time limited children and mothers can Even though the mother uses substitute caregivers, the affect the attachment relationship between them. Attachment child still needs direct interaction and care from his mother. relationship between the child and the mother can be seen How to interact and maternal parenting patterns will have an from the reaction of the child saw the departure of the mother effect on attachment between them. Here the author will and reunited with his mother. The mother must leave the describe how parenting patterns and the relationship between child while working or there is an urgent need that does not children and working mothers. allow carrying the child. When the mother leaves, the child will experience separation from the mother and after separating the child will experience a reunion with the II. METHOD mother. This research is a single case study qualitative research. The child will whine and start crying when the child sees This research is specific and cannot be generalized because it the mother going to work. But the child will be calm again uses only one research subject [3]. Determination of research when the mother is gone and not seen by the child. This subjects using purposive sampling. The researcher chose one shows the attitude of the child's protest against the departure subject, namely one family with the condition of the mother of the mother. After the child will experience separation who worked in one private company and had a child who from the mother, the child will experience a reunion with the was two years old. To collect data in this study used in-depth mother. The child's attitude can be seen from the child's interview techniques, as well as participating observations. reaction in welcoming the mother's arrival. The child welcomes the mother with a smile and crawls towards the III. RESULT AND DISCUSSION mother. A. Result B. Discussion 1) Parenting as long as mother work. Mothers who work outside the home and work that The condition of a mother who works more than 8 hours mothers do, do not include work that makes it possible to a day requires a substitute caregiver. In this study, the mother care for children at work. So that care during the mother's used the services of aunt and grandmother as a surrogate work is given to the immediate family of the mother, namely caregiver while she worked. Auntie who is a housewife has aunt. This fact is in line with research conducted by free time to care for a child as long as her mother works. Wheelock which reveals that parents who work, most of Most of the roles of aunts only provide care for the children them will rely on family or friends to look after their children they care for, such as providing food, changing diapers, and [4]. But children are more often cared for by aunts and bathing children. More children are left to play alone with uncles, besides that parents can rely on friends or neighbors objects around them or play with their cousins when they are to look after their children if emergencies or unexpected home from school. The control aunt gives to a child is very appear. lacking. Auntie is more likely to let children play alone without ever getting involved with games played by children. Parenting is a permissive parenting that ignores. The care Aunt still provide a response to the child, but not quickly provided by aunt is limited to care for children. Aunts only respond when something happens to a child. Other family give a little attention and more children play alone. Aunt is members involved are grandmothers who help care for also not fast in responding when children need help. This is children in the afternoon. in accordance with what was stated by Hurlock that the way to discipline is permissive, parents consider freedom 2) The parenting style given by the mother to children. (permissive) the same as letting (laissez-faire) [5]. Children The flurry of mothers who work outside the home made fumble in situations that are too difficult for children to while shifting the responsibility for her work until she handle without guidance or control. returned home. Mother rarely invited children to communicate, mother showed affection by joking with Aunt takes care of the child from morning to evening or children. Mothers are more likely to let children play alone until the mother comes home from work. Although Auntie is without providing stimulation according to the child's age. believed to care for children, sometimes aunts also work with grandmothers to care for children. This is because the aunt Mothers have a tendency to always obey the child's also has the responsibility of taking care of the child. This is request when the child asks for a snack, but for other in accordance with that expressed by Wheelock that aunts requests the mother tends to avoid it. Even though the mother and uncles who are more often given the trust of caring for obeys the wishes of the child, she still gives strong rules and children will cooperate in with grandparents, but not only in control to the child. The mother tends to obey the commands terms of care [4]. of the child as long as the request does not make it difficult for the mother, the mother never gives physical punishment In this case, the aunt and family should do is not just to the child but only warns when the child makes a mistake. caring for children but also helping to stimulate child development. Aunts and families must interact frequently by Mothers who work outside the home make maternal inviting children to talk, helping children learn to walk, not supervision of children's food intake minimal. Mother does allowing children to play alone by assuming that children are not give enough fruit to the child, but the child still eats with not having problems if left alone. In addition, families who vegetables and mashed rice. Mother does not forbid children care for them must also pay attention to food hygiene and the when children eat foods that contain sugar such as candy, child's body. even families who care for them also provide these foods to children. Mothers who work apply permissive parenting or permissive-indulgen parenting. Caregiving applies a little 190  Advances in Social Science, Education and Humanities Research (ASSEHR), volume 244 limit or control due to lack of supervision from the mother. The parenting pattern applied will affect the quality of Mother always follows when children want something. attachment in children because the attitude of mother's sensitivity and responsiveness in care is related to the “I am impressed to let children do whatever they want formation of child attachments. This is consistent with what without giving high control with the assumption that it can was stated by Kagan that the attitude of mothers towards help stimulate child development.” children is the main determinant of open action with children This is in accordance with Baumrind's statement, mothers [10]. In addition Bowlby also emphasized the importance of with permissive parenting try to show an attitude of non- attachment in the first year of life and the importance of punishment, accept children with few demands, obey caregiver responsiveness [11]. children's requests, and mothers allow children to do If mom would go to work leaving the child, the child will anything without high parental control [6]. be a little protest. When the mother returns from work the Mothers who work have little time with children so that child welcomes the mother with a positive attitude. The the mother's control and supervision cannot be fully done to attitude shown that the child has a strong or safe attachment the child. Parenting in the child's family environment also relationship (secure attachment) with the mother. Children does not apply high discipline to children. When a child with strong attachments (secure attachment) consider makes a mistake, the mother does not give an understanding mothers as a safe base for exploring the environment. When of the cause and effect if the child does this. This parenting the mother wants to go to work or leave the child, the child pattern is in accordance with how to discipline children will show an attitude of protest by starting to whine and if according to Hurlock that in permissive discipline, it means a the child is not distracted to the mother, the child will start little discipline or not discipline [5]. Children are often not crying. given boundaries or constraints that govern what may and In addition to whining and crying, the child immediately cannot be done, children are permitted to make their own crawled towards her and then asked to be carried when she decisions and do their own best. was about to leave. After the mother returns from work or The education of mothers who only graduated from returns after leaving the child, the child shows a positive junior high schools influenced the parenting pattern a little attitude. The child greets the mother with a smile and crawls more. In addition to formal education, the mother's minimal towards the mother and asks to be carried. This is consistent knowledge and experience of prior care also has an impact with Bowlby's statement that children naturally have been on care. This is in accordance with what was stated by positioned to form attachments to parents, especially mothers Hurlock, parents who have parenting experience and receive in the early years of life as a place of refuge, comfort, and training on parenting, parents will be more understanding place for children to ask for help [11]. and sensitive to children's needs [5]. In addition to the mother's knowledge and experience of IV. CONCLUSION care, the work of mothers as factory workers and the Parenting patterns of working and family mothers who neighborhood where most of them are low income also care for children are permissive parenting patterns. However, affects maternal care. This is in accordance with what was parenting patterns between working mothers and families are stated by Hurlock concerning parents who have different permissive parenting. Family care is more to ignore socioeconomic status of middle and low tend to be harder permissive parenting, while mothers who work apply and less tolerant of children [5]. In addition, according to permissive parenting. The attachment between children and Santrock low maternal income can contribute to the mothers who work is strong attachment (secure attachment), development of eating problems in children [2]. the child places the mother as a safe base to explore the environment. When the mother leaves, the child shows little Even though the child is one year old and can be given protest and when the mother returns, the child will rebuild semi-solid food, the child sometimes eats solid foods and positive interactions with the mother. In addition, children foods containing sugar or sweets. These foods can adversely who have strong attachments (secure attachment) are not affect future child growth. The same thing was expressed by hesitant in exploring the environment because children have Imsak that it is necessary to pay attention to the provision of a safe base, namely mothers. foods containing sugar or not too much candy for children so that the teeth of the child are not perforated (caries) [8]. The parenting pattern applied affects the child's Another impact is mentioned by Santrock that children who attachment. The child has a strong or strong attachment consume sweetened foods and drinks and candy can cause relationship (secure attachment) with the mother even though children to be overweight [7]. the mother who works applies the same parenting pattern with the caregiving family, which is a permissive parenting In the same discussion, in the child health article, it was pattern. But the mother is more responsive to children so that stated that another thing that is not less important in the children still feel safe even if they are not near the mother. child's growth and development is the cleanliness of the child and the environment. Whereas mothers and families pay little attention to children's hygiene such as not getting used REFERENCES to washing hands, cleaning children's items and using child [1] M. Siregar, Bekerja, Keterlibatan Ibu. Kehidupan Buruh Perempuan diapers. 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